


Love Letter to a Friend

by Slush



Category: Kim Possible (Cartoon)
Genre: Literally don't bother reading this unless you're the dude in question, Other, Real life but passing mention of KP ships, This is tongue-in-cheek, Will delete
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:47:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25221121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slush/pseuds/Slush
Summary: A/N: This piece is a little different – think of it as a real-life one-shot with KimFist reference. This is, of course, dedicated to the ever-so wonderful and charming DoctorDetroit :’) Thank you for the personal shout-out, I’m so happy to see how invested you are in this ship. Being called mentally deranged by you was honestly the highlight of my day, I couldn’t stop laughing for like 3 whole minutes. Anyway, without further ado…
Relationships: Monkey Fist/Kim Possible, Monty Fiske/Kim Possible
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Love Letter to a Friend

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This piece is a little different – think of it as a real-life one-shot with KimFist reference. This is, of course, dedicated to the ever-so wonderful and charming DoctorDetroit :’) Thank you for the personal shout-out, I’m so happy to see how invested you are in this ship. Being called mentally deranged by you was honestly the highlight of my day, I couldn’t stop laughing for like 3 whole minutes. Anyway, without further ado…

“Mom, I said I was FINE!!! Now leave me ALONE you stupid bitch!!!” the man yelled up the stairs of his basement. It didn’t matter that the woman was his mother, or indeed that she was elderly, as the fact of the matter was that no woman deserves respect. 

The man flopped down at his computer desk. 

“Ugh… women should be seen and not heard,” he mused to himself, plunging his hand deep into his half-eaten bag of Doritos and grabbing a fistful of crumbs which he proceeded to smear over his putrid mouth. “I’m 59 years old, for crying out loud. I can take care of myself. Stupid mom.” 

He reached his sticky hand out to the equally-sticky computer mouse beside his keyboard, but not before giving the 3D titties on his novelty Kim Possible mousepad a quick squeeze – you know, those 3D mousemats of the anime girls where their big round titties make the gel wrist-rest. 

The man spent the next 40 minutes scrolling through various political articles, every so often taking a moment to bash out his malformed opinion to inflict on the ‘lessers’ who should consider themselves lucky to be exposed to the great wonders of his brain. But soon, the man grew tired of politics, and guided his sticky mouse to one of the 20 hentai websites in his favorites toolbar. 

“Hmmm,” the main groaned – an unpleasant, guttural sound – not unlike a frog retching up shit particles after having swallowed a shit-feasting fly – as he pondered which hentai website would satiate his dark thirsts for today. 

But it would have to wait, for at that moment, his phone vibrated across the room. He twisted his head to the sight of the disturbance, squinting his eyes to locate the flashing screen within his dark, dank dwelling that was his mother’s basement. 

“Maybe my new commission is ready,” the man muttered, wiping the back of his hand across his chin, dislodging the Dorito crumbs which fell from his rancid neckbeard.  
He forced himself up from his den chair – no easy feat, given he gets in a maximum of 200 steps a day meaning his leg muscles are expectedly underdeveloped – and shuffled over in his stinky sweats towards his phone. 

He clutched the phone in his great hand, and brought it up to his nose to peer at the screen. Alas, it was not a message to alert him of the completion of his latest commission of Kim Possible getting anally plugged by one of Electronique’s weapons before a crowd of her greatest foes, but something infinitely less gratifying – “[AO3] Debronze posted Chapter 12 of Accepting Defeat”. 

The man let out a great bellow, and immediately flopped down on his den sofa to read Debronze’s latest update. The last rational portion of his brain, however small and malnourished, rung suspicions of contradiction; but he pushed these troublesome thoughts aside as he settled in to the story. 

“Hah! Kim Possible in a consensual relationship with one of her greatest foes? How farfetched!” the man chortled to himself upon completion of the chapter. He smashed out what he thought to be a particularly scathing review and pressed his sticky finger on the ‘Post’ button. 

“That’ll teach them,” he mumbled to himself. “Darn KimFist shippers. Acting like they have the right to produce whatever content they wanted, like this is some kind of democracy. Makes me sick.” 

The man’s last rational brain cells gave their final swansong as he updated his Fanfiction.net user profile, once again enforcing just how distasteful he found KiGo to be, as how dare they paint his precious Kimmie to be such a selfish, stupid, twisted, mean little girl who would abandon her dear friend Ron Stoppable to follow her desires. 

“Kim shouldn't be allowed to get away with such a heinous action against a decent and wonderful man such as Ron. She has NO justification for her actions. Some sort of balancing retribution is called for because of her betrayal of Ron and her family,” he typed, emitting a final Mountain Dew-scented belch as he pressed ‘Update’. 

The man settled back on his smelly sofa, letting his phone slip out of his hand, closing his eyes and smiling as the resulting endorphins of a battle well-fought flooded into his dark, twisted brain. Fortunately for him, his brain was not sophisticated enough for cognitive dissonance to manifest itself; the blatant lies and hypocrisy of being so ‘anti-KiGo and anti-anything involving a happy, consensual, exciting, and dare-I-say-healthy relationship for Kim Possible with anyone other than Ron’ on the self-serving premise that it was simply because he held Kim’s character to such high regards, that any portrayal of his Kimmie outside of this narrow perspective was a heinous crime, not making so much of a dent on the self-perception of his morals. 

“Men are superior, and all women should be sex-slaves,” he whispered to himself, like a mantra, as he finally surrendered his body to the gentle embrace of sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: hope you enjoyed that!!! I know I did. You are, of course, free to think whatever you want about ships like KiGo and KimFist – just as we are free to write and draw whatever we want!! That’s what makes the internet such a welcoming and rewarding place to be. The alarming thing about your weird opinions is that we SHOULD BE ON THE SAME SIDE – we won’t judge you for whatever weird shit you’re into, as we’re into similar types of weird shit! If you wanna pay for your own commissions, go ahead dude, live your best life! But maybe don’t judge us and like, let us be? Rather than going out of your way to read EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER of a fic you’ve already decided to hate, and leaving these super long comments (“dissertations” as you’ve called it) when someone’s literally just written something for their own enjoyment? Like seriously dude?


End file.
